National Parks are in financial trouble! So says an article
published March 14 on the ENN web site. More
money is needed to handle increases in the number of visitors and maintain
infrastructure. The National Park system falls hundreds of millions of dollars
short each year. Although the corporate-controlled lackeys in the Bush
administration probably have already thought of this, here is my humble
offering of a solution to this problem that ought to make those people very
What business has done for ball parks, it can do for National Parks. That
is, corporate sponsorship. We are constantly being advertised to already. What
difference does it make if, every waking minute of the day, someone is trying
to sell us something? Imagine the excitement in business at the opportunity to
sponsor a National Park, National Monument or, picture this: The Exxon National
Wildlife Refuge. It has a ring to it doesnít it? This kind of opportunity is
just the thing, especially for environmentally unfriendly companies who need to
greenwash their tarnished public image.
Hereís another: Yosemite Sam National Park. Just a slight name change, but
ever so valuable to Warner Brothers in keeping their name before the public.
National Parks are entertaining, and so is Warner Brothers. Itís a perfect
MGM could sponsor the Grand Canyon and change it to, you guessed it, the MGM
Grand Canyon. I know you are getting excited now! I can see your eyes going
green with dollar signs.
Why stop with National Parks? Every natural land feature could be sponsored
by corporations. In Sedona, Arizona, not far from where I live, is a beautiful
sandstone rock formation that is a landmark for miles around. Itís called
Bell Rock. I think youíre catching on, now. Yes, it could become Taco Bell
Carlsbad Caverns could become Carlsberg (the beer company) Caverns. Iím
sure you can come up with hundreds more.
And thatís not all! You know, raising a child can be pretty expensive.
Wouldnít it be great if parents could get sponsored? Of course it would. Hereís
Offer to name your children after a multinational corporationÖ. for a
price! Clever, huh? These big companies spend billions in advertising. Why
shouldnít you get some? All you have to do is sell your, uh, soul. Yeah, thatís
it. Youíre not using it anyway and, if you could get a little money out of
the deal, why not?
What, you are using your soul? You mean money isnít everything? You
donít want every waking minute to be filled with ads and sales pitches? Well,
then, you better keep an eye on the U.S. government and itís pro-corporate
activities. You better let them know how you feel or you really will end up
taking a vacation in the Golden Arches National Monument someday.
As for me, I am offering my services to connect National Parks with sponsors
and to facilitate big money deciding whether you name your next child Pepsi or
Coke. Letís deal!