What business has done for ball parks, it can do for National Parks. That is, corporate sponsorship. We are constantly being advertised to already. What difference does it make if, every waking minute of the day, someone is trying to sell us something? Imagine the excitement in business at the opportunity to sponsor a National Park, National Monument or, picture this: The Exxon National Wildlife Refuge. It has a ring to it doesn’t it? This kind of opportunity is just the thing, especially for environmentally unfriendly companies who need to greenwash their tarnished public image.

Here’s another: Yosemite Sam National Park. Just a slight name change, but ever so valuable to Warner Brothers in keeping their name before the public. National Parks are entertaining, and so is Warner Brothers. It’s a perfect match.

MGM could sponsor the Grand Canyon and change it to, you guessed it, the MGM Grand Canyon. I know you are getting excited now! I can see your eyes going green with dollar signs.

Why stop with National Parks? Every natural land feature could be sponsored by corporations. In Sedona, Arizona, not far from where I live, is a beautiful sandstone rock formation that is a landmark for miles around. It’s called Bell Rock. I think you’re catching on, now. Yes, it could become Taco Bell Rock!

Carlsbad Caverns could become Carlsberg (the beer company) Caverns. I’m sure you can come up with hundreds more.

And that’s not all! You know, raising a child can be pretty expensive. Wouldn’t it be great if parents could get sponsored? Of course it would. Here’s the plan:

Offer to name your children after a multinational corporation…. for a price! Clever, huh? These big companies spend billions in advertising. Why shouldn’t you get some? All you have to do is sell your, uh, soul. Yeah, that’s it. You’re not using it anyway and, if you could get a little money out of the deal, why not?

What, you are using your soul? You mean money isn’t everything? You don’t want every waking minute to be filled with ads and sales pitches? Well, then, you better keep an eye on the U.S. government and it’s pro-corporate activities. You better let them know how you feel or you really will end up taking a vacation in the Golden Arches National Monument someday.

As for me, I am offering my services to connect National Parks with sponsors and to facilitate big money deciding whether you name your next child Pepsi or Coke. Let’s deal!